What they don’t tell you

January 23, 2009

When you have your first baby at 40, your body doesn’t recover quite like it would if you were 20.  This, I expected.  But there is a lot of stuff going on I didn’t expect!

First of all, your hormones don’t ever recover.  Everything in my life is more vivid and crazy.  If you were a drama queen before, well now?  Look out.  You will cry at everything–everything you are not yelling at or completely joyful over.  And PMS?  Much, much worse.

And, your boobs just don’t stop.  I haven’t nursed in over a year, but the sound of old baby Brad Pitt crying in Benjamin Button made me leak through my shirt.  Hey, boobs, we want to DO Brad Pitt, not nurture him, OK?

You will pee your pants.  Sorry.  I mean, you won’t need astronaut diapers, but if you cough, you might leak.  And kegels?  What. Ever.  My kegels could tow a bus and it doesn’t make any difference.

When you are pregnant, your hair stops falling out.  You lose all the “extra” after the baby is born.  They tell you this.  What they don’t tell you, is that when you are old it all grows back grey.  All at once.  If you at all are feeling a bit down at being emotional, peeing your pants, not sleeping, not losing the baby weight and having to go back to work (or not) then losing fistfuls of hair and having the bald spots grow back white could quite possibly send you over the edge.  Be prepared and prepare your stylist so they can cover up all the damage before you notice it.

But, it just might possibly be worth it.hairrasing


One Response to “What they don’t tell you”

  1. aj Says:


    I laughed out loud at this one. Nice work. Oh, and no nurturing Brad Pitt.

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