No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

May 9, 2008

We’re going on vacation next weekend.  It’s the first time we’re leaving the baby for more than a few hours.  This weekend, our sitter, my niece, is coming over to practice spending the night with a baby that doesn’t sleep.  I’m so stressed out I can hardly think straight.

To add to everything, we not only have a cat with a broken tail, we have a cat with diabetes who needs twice daily shots.  The shots have to be given with food, so you have to try and make her eat.  She’s 18 years old, and sometimes forgets what food is.  Also, we have yet another cat who eats anything left out.  So, we have to feed him locked away in the bathroom while the other cats eat.  Then, we have to put any uneaten food away, and lock him in the bathroom later on and offer the food again.  Lather, rinse, repeat, until broken tail finally eats, and diabetes gets her shots.  It’s maddening.

At least the dog is off to stay with a friend–I hope, because he hasn’t emailed me back.  His roommate says it’s on, but I’m nervous about it.  The dog is a complete houdini, who runs off alot, so I’m worried about that.  He ran off *just 2 nights ago*, but we found him that day.  He booked out the door that doesn’t shut right and I didn’t even notice he was gone for half an hour.  It was raining, and the baby’s bedtime, and I walked around in the rain for a while, leaving my son’s bathtime up to the men, and then my husband drove around and finally found him.  Now he needs a bath.  Well, he needed a bath 2 days ago, now I’m just used to the smell of dirty dog (who sleeps in my bed).

I also need a hair cut/color, a mani pedi, to buy a ton of products in 3 ounce or less sizes because we are just carrying on our bags, to clean the house, to shop for groceries and to write up a chart of my son’s/the cats’ schedules.  I have only enough vacay at work to leave on Friday.  I’m seriously freaking out.  I have to take at least another half day using sick time, the last of my sick time.

And, I don’t want to go.  I don’t want to leave my kid.  I only see him a few hours a day as it is.  The weekend is the only good time I have, and it’s still limited because I have to clean and run errands and do all the stuff I can’t do during the week.  Every minute is precious and I feel I’m wasting it by going on vacation.

But the sleep, the child-free, monitor-free bliss of hotel sleep.  I’m torn in two by everything I’m feeling–the stress, the fears of leaving my son/pets and not being there if anything goes wrong, the excitement of going on vacation (and sleeping) and the horrible, crushing guilt of it all.  Lord, save me from the guilt of having a dirty weekend in Vegas.  Let me realize it’s the best thing for me and for my kid. 

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